Really?

You will soon notice some changes in our work place. These new changes are being put into effect so we can all reap the benefits of working for a world class organization that is able to keep track of our investments…our products and our employees.

Translation-

Jerry is sick of being robbed by his employees.

-The Jewelry, Samples and Return areas will be fenced in. Those with appropriate color coded clearance will only be allowed inside.
-The employee entrance/exit door will be armed after 5pm. After 5 PM please use the front door to exit the building.
-There will be a loss prevention person posted at the employee door and at the front door at all times.
-All employees are required to wear security badges daily that are visible on the upper torso.
-There will be no borrowing of badges or asking other employees to open locked doors.
-Supervisors will enforce badge checks at the entrance to the building.
-All employees will be subject to bag checks (including handbags, any type of carry bags, paper/plastic bags, etc).
-All employee order purchases or employee sale purchases must be taken directly to the employee’s car at time of purchase.
-All employees will be subject to metal detector searches.
-All guests must be escorted in, throughout, and out of the building.

We appreciate all of your efforts in reminding your co-workers about our impending changes and to help us make this a positive step in securing our great company. We are so lucky to work for a company that remains profitable and a fun place to work!

Lets work together to implement these changes positively and keep our company safe, secure and productive!

Sincerely,


Chief Financial Officer

Ok, I'm fine with everything except the random checking of all bags, are you really doing to look though my lunch pail, and if so, should I expect the number of asinine comments about what I should or should not be eating to increase? And metal detector searches, that is really going to hinder the gun smuggling operation I have going.